From the beginning, your childhood and family relationships will come into the picture as the foundation of who you are and how you experience the world.
Who we are is inextricable from our experiences being raised in a family, but because of how long ago these experiences took place, we are never fully aware of how these early years have shaped and organized our adult lives.
Here are the important ways that family shaped us in early childhood:
Family is where we learn how to love. The way our primary caretaking figure nurtured us from the moment we were born, making sure we were fed, clean and comforted, is our first model of love and care. Using whatever means available, they provided a safe enough environment to allow us to become ourselves, exploring, playing, and finding the things that delight us.
Family forms our first ideals and moral values
Our caretakers are also our first authority figures. We had our first encounters with limits and boundaries, hearing the crucial word “No”. The way they disciplined us, prohibited certain behaviors and thoughts while promoting others. Eventually, this function becomes internalized into our own consciences, which is often an “inner critic”, a voice that becomes our own distorted version of what we grew up hearing.
Family is our bridge to the outside world
Growing up, we start to engage with the“real world”, guided through our parents’ lessons they have learned themselves, whether through what they explicitly say, or by our keenly observing their actions (Children are very observant!). We learn how to get along with people, settle conflicts, follow rules, compete, and most importantly we learn about sexuality and gender difference.
In therapy, we can make connections between childhood memories and present-day conflicts. In fact, we are often jumping back and forth between past and present, weaving memory and fantasy together as if there were no concrete lines between the two. This can be especially important for working through trauma. But if we do the work to more fully remember what happened before, we can hope to make different choices for ourselves, without falling into a vicious cycle of repeating the the past.